The "Russian Guard"

The man that noticed the absence of romance in my life and decided to say something about it...

There’s a time in every single woman’s life when her perpetual “singledom”becomes concerning to others. For most, this would be their family, friends, maybe even their co-workers… but for me, it was the Russian security guard in my building.

Security guard? Russian? I know. It all sounds very Mission Impossible… and honestly, with my imagination, IT IS! I live in a building with 24/7 concierge/security. This means 98% of the time I leave or come home through the lobby I am greeted by a, mostly friendly, but always familiar face. The entrance to my building is very long with two entry points prior to the actual main door. Imagine this, you’re walking through two glass doors then along a lengthy hallway toward a front desk where someone is sat awaiting you. Part of their “duty” working the front desk is to remotely open the door, greet residents and bar any unwanted guests from entering. It often feels like magic as their timing opening the door is so precise. Alfie will be off leash, running excitedly ahead of me down the hallway so thrilled to be home and won’t even have to pause his stride for a microsecond to enter the lobby. The awkward are probably cringing at the thought of this right now. Being watched walking down a long hallway, entering into the lobby only to walk by the front desk where that person watching sits. At times, both elevators aren’t conveniently on the ground floor so you press the button and stand there… in silence… waiting… knowing they’re now behind you… unsure of whether or not you’re still being watched. With this whole scene now playing in your head you can imagine how natural it would be to get to know the soul sitting at that front desk. The mostly friendly and familiar face that (hopefully!) represents your home, your sanctuary, your peace. The person that so generously makes you feel like a Queen or King as the gates to your palace open without you having to lift a finger. This is the person that I know is down there, keeping an eye out for us and making it a whole lot easier for me, who lives alone, to sleep at night.

The Russian Guard (we’ll call him RG for short) has been working in my building for almost 6 years. He began working Monday-Friday from 4 pm-12 am. This shift sees a lot of action as most residents are heading out for dinner, taking their dog for a walk, going on a date, heading to yoga, off to the shops, going for a run. The guard who worked this shift prior to him was a young woman, no more than 23, that left shortly after telling me, wide eyed, that she found a taser by the pool!

The first year we didn’t see each other much. I worked tirelessly on a new business venture flipping condos with a partner and he familiarized himself with all these new people that were once strangers but now a daily part of his life. Toward the end of the second year I had slowed down a bit and noticed whenever I would come home from my afternoon/evening walk with Alfie, the RG would be standing at his desk with the same resident. Let’s call this resident David.

David worked for the American government, as quite a few residents here do, in a pretty high position. Turns out David himself, at one point, was a security guard! The kind of security guard that was doing things like protecting the President of the United States of America. Yes, David was fun to talk too… but David also loved the sound of his own voice more than anyone else’s. So… during that second year, and into the third, I would come back from my walks and 9.7 times out of 10… David would be there chatting to the RG. He’d rope me into the conversation, fill me in, and the three of us would have some pretty epic chats. We’d laugh, talk shit about the government (both American & Canadian) and David would tell us stories about his past. He told us about White House events inundated with celebrities, visits from the Dalai Lama, how Jennifer Lopez was actually a real bitch in person… The RG and I would laugh along occasionally chiming in when we had the opportunity.

But then… David was gone. His contract complete. He had served his time and was heading back home to his wife where he would soon be retired. It was the RG’s third year in my building and now when I got back from my daily walk with Alfie… there was no David! I had grown into the routine of stopping post-walk for my gossip session with the fellas… and now it was just me and the RG! I recall that first time he greeted me with his typical “HELLO, ALEX” in the most glorious of accents, looked confused but not disappointed when I stuck around to chat… just the two of us! Finally! Now I could actually ask RG some questions without David interrupting and diverting the conversation back to him! This is exciting…

There began the true beginning of our friendship. A friendship that is now 3 years strong and a gift I’m eternally grateful for. I discover through our conversations that the RG grew up in a tiny town near Siberia, that he spent 20 years as a military doctor in Russia, that he is married with two daughters currently in University, and that they spent years as a family living on the Island of Cyprus. He learned that I grew up Vegetarian and am now Vegan, that I was really struggling with the rules that were being enforced at that time around the world, that I had just taken up Volleyball having never played it before, and that I had spent 5 weeks in Europe travelling across 19 countries. I’d head out for a concert at night and he’d see my excitement and be just as excited for me. I’d come back from that concert and as the door opened, he’d stand up, remove his glasses and cry, “SOOOOO - how was it?!” We learned we share similar values and view the world/reality in a very similar way. We made one another laugh so hard our faces turned pink. The two of us became buddies. There’s no better way to describe it. He was, and is, my buddy.

Then one day in the Spring of 2022 - the elevator doors open to the lobby, Alfie and I walk out to go on yet another walk. I smile and wave hello to the RG who sees me, stands up, looks me up and down. This was bizarre. He wasn’t smiling. He didn’t even look angry… more curious… perhaps even confused.

RG: Alex… why don’t you wear more colour? You’re always wearing black.

I look down at what I’m wearing… yes, I was wearing all black. Just like yesterday… and the day before.

Alex: I wear colour!!!! Sometimes…….

This was true. I had colour and did wear it… but sparingly.

RG: I really think you should consider wearing more colour. Black is very serious. Black makes people think they should stay away from you… that you aren’t someone they would want to approach. That you are saying… “NO… stay AWAY!”

Alex: Really? I think I’m quite approachable actually! A lot of people talk to me!

RG: Yes but are they men? Are men approaching you?

……………………………………………………………………. (for those that don’t know what all those dots mean… it means a deafening silence)

RG: Men like colour. It’s friendly! They see colour and they think… oh she seems nice and friendly! I should go say hello!

My silence continues. I’m in shock but not offended. This is my buddy… and he’s got a point! BUT… where the heck did this come from?! It was so random and unexpected that I just laughed, nodded at him and walked out the door for my walk, my mouth slightly agape from being exposed by the RG, with Alfie following feeling second hand embarrassment.

I thought this was a one and done moment but no, the comments on my clothing continued that week… every day. I’d head out for my walk and he’d judge my outfit and I’d come home and he’d ask me if anyone approached me for conversation. I can best describe this time as Project Runway judge on my way out and Therapist on the way back in. I was still so confused until it clicked… the RG began working here months after my breakup with a man I was with for 5.5 years. The RG has witnessed me single now for almost 3 years while he’s been working Monday-Friday from 4 pm-12 am. Prime-time for date night. The RG has seen me go on… zero dates. Ohhhhh, okay… now this is starting to make sense! My buddy was worried about me. My buddy, who thinks so highly of me, didn’t understand how I wasn’t getting any dates so concluded it had to do with the all black. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with well… ME! After I came to this adorable conclusion, the two of us really started to have some fun with his “colour theory”…

@alexinsonderlandHe’s not wrong. #singlestories #spinster #singlehood

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That whole summer of 2022 I spent wearing more colour than I’ve ever worn in my life. We made it into our little science project. He’d give his opinion on how many people he thought would approach me based on how colourful, not colourful or the choice of colour I was wearing. Then when I got home he’d ask for my “score” which would be the number of people who spoke to me on that walk. For those curious, we did conclude that a significant more number of people would speak to me on the days I wore colour than when I wore black. More specifically the colour red, red would always have the highest “score”. I’d come down one day wearing a pink dress… “Oh Alex! I think today you will have very high score!” Then the next week I’d wear that same dress but with black sunglasses… “Oh Alex, I don’t think your score will be high today. Those sunglasses say ‘I don’t want anybody to approach me. Stay away. Do not talk to me!’” That summer there was a week long Firefighter Conference hosted at a venue a few blocks from my building. There were 1,600 firefighters roaming around the streets of my city. The streets I walked every day. When I told the RG this he was ecstatic! “Alex I do believe we will have some very interesting statistics this week! You must tell me your score!” I’d throw on my colourful dress and parade myself, and Alfie of course, around and come back with the highest score thus far! Summer of 2022 was one for the books!

@alexinsonderlandI am unwell 😂💀👌🏻 #single

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We’re now almost two years later. I’m still single. I still haven’t had a date. But I still got the RG. I still got my buddy. He introduces me to people as “the smartest woman I know!”. I introduce him as one of my favourite people in the world. He now only works 2 days a week versus 5 but for very good reason, which he has sworn me to secrecy on. SURPRISE HE’S A SPY! Dare to dream… but also, is he? He very well could be… I know he doesn’t need this job in my building but he always tells me he keeps it because he loves the people in my building so much he can’t imagine leaving them… at least not yet.

He still judges my outfits… he hasn’t given up which is admirable. He knows what I’m likely up to without me telling. I will come home to a… “Soooo, how was volleyball? Or was it yoga tonight?” He wanted to gift one of his daughters something special for her 20th birthday so visited my family’s jewellery store to buy her a pair of earrings. “Alex… your dad is very professional, very smart, he knows a lot!” After a lot of persistence on my end, and after almost 2 years of him seeing me sweaty and in disarray post hot yoga, he is now a member at my hot yoga studio. My buddy is now also a yoga buddy! The classes we’ve done together we’ve practiced side by side. I notice he’s in the wrong position so roll over to move his leg. He allows me to do so then gives me a quick smile and whispers “thank you!”.

I am blessed to have this man as my buddy and while I am aware he won’t forever be at the front desk of my building with his red, smiley face and shiny bald head. This doesn’t make me sad anymore. It doesn’t make me sad because our friendship has transcended this building. The story of Alex and the “Russian Guard” will continue outside of here… and honestly, I believe the best is yet to come.

But for now… he’s still here and the star recurring character in many of my stories surrounding my building and the people in it. And… when it comes to him helping me one day find a man, which to me seems like an impossible endeavour… I refer to him and to one of his favourite sayings…

“Never say never…”